We had a difficult conversation in our house this weekend.
About the treehouse.
It’s been in our backyard for over 8 years.
It hasn’t been touched in over 3 years.
So how long do you let something sit unattended until you take action on it?
As I asked myself this question, I could feel that this was going to test every professional fiber in my being.
Could I actually walk my talk?
In my Space Doula world, if you don’t….
➡️ Use it.
➡️ Need it.
➡️ Love it.
Then it’s time to let it go.
BUT QUITE FRANKLY, THOSE QUESTIONS AREN’T ALWAYS SO CLEAR CUT.
Here’s how it went down with the treehouse….
Me:
B, are you okay with taking down the treehouse?
B:
(Silence. You’d think I’d just asked if he wanted to talk about the birds and the bees.)
Me:
You haven’t been up in the treehouse in over 3 years.
B:
I know.
Me:
Do you want to go up in the treehouse?
B:
No.
Me:
How long should we wait to see if you want to go up in the treehouse?
B:
Maybe ask me in another year?
Me:
What’s going to be different in another year?
B:
Nothing.
Me:
So, can we take down the treehouse?
B:
If you want to.
Clearly, I wanted to!
But I also didn’t want to take it down without my son or my husband’s consent. They had built the treehouse together, and it didn’t feel right to make a unilateral decision.
This is when my brain tried to reconcile my emotions. Having something sit unattended and ignored for years was bad Space Doula juju. So, I started thinking about my future grandkids instead. Maybe we SHOULD keep the treehouse for them to play in. That idea actually had some life…until I did the math! It would be minimally 5 years before I had grandchildren old enough to climb up a rope ladder 10 feet in the air!
Back to my conversation with B.
Me:
What if we take a picture of the tree house? That’s the Space Doula way.
B:
(A noncommittal teenage grunt.)
Me:
What do you love about the treehouse?
B:
I don’t know.
Me:
Is it because you and Daddy built it together?
B:
Maybe.
I’d found an opening! And a deeper meaning to the question, “Do you love it?”
WE MIGHT NOT LOVE A PHYSICAL THING, BUT WE CAN LOVE THE MEMORY OF IT.
B. didn’t care about the physical treehouse anymore. But, he did care about the connection with his dad. He loved creating things with him.
Once I realized what the tree house represented, I was able to ask the right question…
Me:
What if you and Daddy built something else together?
B:
Like what?
Me:
You love to read so much, and we have books everywhere. What if you guys built some floor to ceiling bookshelves?
B:
Ones with the cool rolling ladder?
Me:
Yes
B:
Can we really?
Me:
Absolutely.
B:
It’s okay if you take down the treehouse.
Next time your head tells you to let something go, but your heart hesitates, ask yourself these questions:
- What memory does this object hold?
- How else can I honor this memory that is meaningful and honors who I am today?
Pinky promise there’s spaciousness and expansion on the other side of these questions.
Here’s to letting go with grace and ease,
xoxo
Dorena
